Courtesy of Jack Bush 102004.2165@compuserve.com
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk, then re- attaches it (but that part will never work the same again)!
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 540MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 150MB, then slowly expands back to 540MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI Virus: Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first seek counselling about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits!
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back!!!
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #1: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong withe your komputer, ewe jsut kan't figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "abort" from the "ABORT" "RETRY" "FAIL" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM & EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying it's own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for donations in order to keep running.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at 7-Eleven stores & service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just "does it".
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear until you buy new cables, power supply and a new set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files & blames it all on the congressional virus.
CLEVELAND INDIAN VIRUS: Makes your 488/66 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and deletes them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back!
O.J. VIRUS: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.
